The 12 stages of power outages

1. Acceptance. We’ll lose power. Of course! It’s a hurricane! Duh! 

2. Amazement. How the hell haven’t we lost power???? It’s Armageddon out there!

3. Hope. Hmm….. It’s lasted this long. Maybe we, like… won’t lose power?

4. Confidence. Holy shit, did you hear that? It sounded like the howl of Satan! And not a flicker! If THAT didn’t knock out power, nothing will!!!!

5. Guarded optimism. OK, so we’ve had a few flickers. But we keep bouncing back! I think we’ve got a shot at this! Sure, 350,000 of the 600,000 county residents have lost power, but I still think we could do this!

6. Reality check. Okay, well, that was like, a looooong flicker. The jig might be up…. or not?

7. Resignation. Come on, that’s 25 flickers in two minutes! What is this, a nightclub? Enough with the strobe effect — just end it already!

8. Relief. Finally. Sweet darkness!

9. Denial. Isn’t the light of our lantern and candles so nice and soothing?

10. Dread. It’s getting a little warm in here. How many days could it be? There are like half a million people without power! This could take weeks!

11. Misery. I cannot — repeat, CANNOT — eat five peanut butter sandwiches and five bowls of dry Cheerios again today. And no, I refuse to take another ice shower to wash off my stink!

12. Jubilation. Light! Ice! OK, shower time! See you in two hours.


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